A Long Hiatus

My first post in a really long time, during which a lot has transpired!

In June of last year, I made my first trip to Bonnaroo, which was held at Manchester, Tennessee. Then in September, I made my first trip to The Burning Man at the Black Rock Desert in Nevada. Both turned out to be very interesting experiences, far removed as they were from everything one gets to see while being part of the mainstream in a place like the Bay Area. The things that stood out for me at these events were the sheer creativity, imaginativeness and an all round sense of tolerance and inclusiveness among those that showed up. For the curious, The Burning Man Image Gallery has a very good collection of photographs taken by various people over the years. I’d love to go back to Bonnaroo and The Burning Man some time.

In November, I took time off from work to spend a week by myself in the Santa Barbara wine country. I stayed in Solvang, a small Danish town north of Santa Barbara. Looking back, I realize that a week of vacation is a long time if you don’t plan ahead, paradoxical as it may sound. I hadn’t even made a hotel reservation, literally “stopping by” with only my Casio Keyboard and enough clothes to last a week.

It was refreshing to befriend the locals and discover from them which places to go to or which wineries to visit; often, they even accompanied me to show me around. I was surprised to discover that Solvang was at the heart of the Wild West, evident in the way some restaurants and pubs still display the cowboy culture. Coexisting with the ranches and the horses, though, are some of the finest wineries in all of California. My taste in wine has gone up a couple of notches after tasting the wines of the Santa Ynez Valley and the adjoining areas. While there, I also visited Los Olivos, a charming community north of Solvang, renowned as much for its art galleries as for its wineries. I don’t have the kind of money to afford most of what was on sale but I bought what was within my means and merely appreciated the rest.

My poor prose cannot capture most of what I experienced (as couldn’t my camera either), so I’ll be content with just saying that the trip would always remain memorable to me in more than a few ways.

Then in late November last year, I auditioned for CAPMT, the California Association of Professional Music Teachers, and passed, following which I was invited to play at the Northern Festival recital in Danville this January. I played Bach’s Prelude in C Minor.

During this time I’ve also been composing a little bit, and although I’ve written down some of it, I haven’t recorded anything yet. I’m currently preparing for my piano evaluations due in May. Later in June, it will be two years since I began taking lessons and I’m quite happy that I’ve already started playing Level 6 solos. But I can’t wait to get to Beethoven, Chopin, Debussy and more of Bach in the coming years, and composing more of my own stuff.

And on that note, I’d like to sign off. A much belated Happy New Year to everyone!

O Sensitivity, Where Art Thou?

Sensitivity is what I value the most in an individual. For me, it is the pinnacle of the evolution of life on this planet over millions of years and is, by far, the greatest miracle nature has managed to pull off so far. If it weren’t for sensitivity in its various forms, along with our unique capacity for imagination, we would have neither music, nor art, nor science, nor religion. In short, we wouldn’t be blessed with what I feel is the essence of the human experience!

And yet, despite what sensitivity means to me (and no doubt to millions of others), after close to two days of horrifically insane events in Bombay (or Mumbai as some might insist), this treasured capacity to demonstrate empathy (or even sympathy if empathy seems too much of an ask at times) seems like such a long lost virtue!

Starting with the attack itself, which is as incomprehensible as it seems heartless, sensitivity seems to have a died a slow and painful collective death at the hands of expedient political leaders, who seem ever more eager to exploit any situation toward a personal end, and the opportunistic mainstream media, whose sole aim seems to be shameless self-promotion, at the expense of journalistic ethics, in the race for an even bigger slice of the national viewership.

In this moment, when articulation fails me, I wish to defer to those whom it doesn’t. Here’s Sambit Bal on the subject.

Here’s a quote by Barack Obama (picked from the above article) that succinctly sums up my state of mind (and perhaps those of many others):

My powers of empathy, my ability to reach into another’s heart, cannot penetrate the blank stares of those who would murder innocents with such serene satisfaction.

Then there’s Carl Sagan, the perennial perspective-giver (to whoever seems even the least willing), on the pale blue dot that is our Earth. Such a lesson in humility!

And finally, here’s an old couplet by Rana Sahri:

barson main tere naam pe khata raha fareb

mere Khuda kahaan hai tu, apna pata to de!

Any other way to attempt to justify or rationalize the events of the past two days would only amount to the grossest form of debasing of this wonderful (but, sadly, endangered) gift of sensitivity given to us by the Gods!

In praise of Saturday (and Malbec)!

What a wonderful day today (a Saturday) has been! For as long as I can remember, Saturday has had a very special place in my heart! It seems to me to be very providentially placed by the Gods between Friday (a day spent in anticipation of the unwinding of a long week) and Sunday (a day spent in dread of the approaching week — a mental condition that has been aptly given the name The Sunday Neurosis by Viktor Frankl). And yet, despite such contrasting emotions that these two days elicit in me, Saturday always seems to be gloriously ensconced between the two, steadfastly refusing to take on the character of either of them! Instead, it invariably seems to be securely imbued with the color of the here and the now — and is, in fact (even literally so!), a bridge from the past to the future. And by this very nature of epitomizing the present, it is gleefully fulfilling to me and is consistently capable of inspiring great feats of transcendence of the human condition.

Today was one such day for me! Having spent the morning enjoying an almost perfect cup of cappuccino at Cafe Del Doge in downtown Palo Alto, and later working on my next week’s Piano assignment, I ended up going to the beach on Highway 1 in Santa Cruz. Although my intention was to soak in the beautiful sunset, it turned out to be extremely foggy there. Fortunately, though, I came across this very nice part of the coast that was set in the midst of a hilly region — one had to actually walk down a trail to get to the beach. Once down there, the fog actually seemed to elevate the place and time to an unusually surreal degree; and so, it turned out to be a very enjoyable and carefree couple of hours! On the way back, my friend suggested we eat at Castro in downtown Mountain View. There, we discovered this really nice Italian place called Pasta?, and I’ve to admit, the food there was surprisingly good! So much so, it makes me want to go back there more often to explore their other offerings.

There, I also tried, for the first time, a 2006 Malbec from the Mendoza region of Argentina. I found it very impressive — it was medium bodied, had a juicy flavor and left a mildly tannic aftertaste. I’m nowhere near to being an oenophile, so that is as far as I can go in terms of describing it. But it was one of those wines that you know you’re going to remember for a long time and not lose an opportunity to recommend to friends and random strangers alike. After researching a little bit, I found, among other things about it, that it is named after a Hungarian peasant who introduced it to France; that Argentina is currently the chief exporter of wine of this varietal; and that it is commonly used, along with Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon, in preparing the exquisite and elegant Bordeaux blend. I want to recommend this excellent wine to everyone and am waiting to taste more of it myself the next time I get a chance to do so!

I think this has been one of my longer posts! Time to call it a day and prepare myself for the impending Sunday Neurosis while I wait for another glorious Saturday next week!

Eve Ensler’s TED Talk

For over a year now, I’ve been a huge fan and avid watcher of the videos posted on the TED website. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design, and is a conference for bringing together creative and intellectual minds from all over the world to share their experiences. The videos are talks given by eminent scientists, artists, psychologists, activists and reformists as they share their collective wisdom on a wide range of topics that, while being extremely relevant in the context of our present, have far reaching implications for our future.

Today, I came across a very riveting talk by Eve Ensler at the 2005 TED Conference. Eve is an American playwright and activist, best known for her play, The Vagina Monologues. In this eloquent talk, she shares the timeless wisdom of insecurity, first proposed, so far as recorded history goes, by Eastern philosophies and reinterpreted in so many different forms ever since!

Eve’s message in this talk, despite its apparent somber connotation, is surprisingly both comforting and exhortative!

My first Haiku

I recently discovered Haiku, a form of Japanese poetry, while reading The Little Book of Atheist Spirituality and have, since, been fascinated by the concept of expressing a momentary experience in poetic form, as simply and minimally as possible, while remaining faithful to the original essence of the experience. In this respect, I think Haiku is to poetry what Impressionism might be to painting. As an example, here’s one that I found in the above book that very succinctly expresses the joy of living in the present:

I am cutting wood,

I am drawing water,

It’s so wonderful!

Last evening, I met up with two friends I hadn’t seen in a couple years. We hung out at the beach until very late in the night, drinking an exquisite Glenlivet, while sitting around a bonfire, amidst the calming sounds of waves crashing onto the shore. (As an aside, it’s amazing how, sometimes, utter chaos, such as that constituted by waves, can actually lead to something that is at once random and beautiful!)

On our way back, we stopped by what seemed like a reservoir. It seemed like a very profound place and time — perhaps the pleasant Glenlivet buzz had something to do with it! So, while my friends were taking pictures, I stood out on the edge of the water, soaking in the beautiful view that was formed in the night. Despite all that I apparently found lacking up until that time, that moment, strangely, felt very comforting!

I have tried to express the experience of all that was around me in that moment in the following haiku, my first one. I’m not sure if it can technically qualify to be a haiku but it, nonetheless, expresses what I had felt:

The rays’ gleeful dance on water in the moonlit night,

The crickets’ chirping, the wind’s gentle caress;

Nature’s sweet embrace is so comforting!

Sadly, as with everything else, that moment, too, passed! And here I am, writing about it as one would about a distant memory at best!

The Search for Meaning and Purpose

Looking for a meaning and purpose in life as an end towards the fulfillment of one’s own desires can be a slippery slope, driven by a subtle yet chronic self-deception on part of an inherently needy mind that is perpetually seeking approval and acceptance from the external world, just so it can perceive a sense of belonging despite itself.

Often, our limitations and failures induce in us a fear of being criticized, judged or rejected by those, whose opinions we have come to count upon. In an evolutionary sense, this is probably the fear of isolation and abandonment of an individual by the group, and which may also be strongly reinforced during one’s growing up years. When confronted with failure, our anxious mind experiences the illusion of a void, which it must then seek to fill up, as soon as it arises, with ideas and concepts that can somehow explain and rationalize the failure away. Some of us may internalize such feelings and experience guilt and shame, while others may externalize them in the form of aggressive behaviors.

Alternatively, we may be tempted to look for patterns in our lives and imagine some sort of purpose, after all, to justify the choices we make, and to have some notion of a direction even through failures. Admittedly, it is very hard to determine if there isn’t indeed a purpose to life or to the universe at all! But it is extremely tricky, nevertheless, to assume that there must be one that is in a sense predestined and tailored for each individual, or even collectively for everyone.

Instead, we’d rather become aware of our inherent neediness as the reason for our search for a meaning in the first place, and strive to not give in to the almost compulsive and subconscious urge to seek acceptance, that at times makes us want to run away and at other times to cling to ideas, concepts and people, when in fact they are all in constant flux all around us.

Does that mean that the universe is purposeless and random? More importantly, what do we do during those moments when the void seemingly threatens to destroy our very identity? It might be interesting to think about whether a mere ‘awareness’ of the void’s illusory nature can free us of it during such moments, and whether that alone wouldn’t qualify the cultivation of such an awareness as a noble purpose of life!

Dua (Prayer)

This one came to me in a moment of extreme emotional anguish!

 

Kabhi yun mujhe pyaasa rakkha, ho gum koi sehraa mein jaise
Aur kabhi yun meri pyaas bujhaayi, ho kareeb koi dariyaa jaise
[sehraa = desert, dariya = river]

Aankh khuli to qadmon ke nishaan paaye saahil ki reth par
Pyaas buhjaayi thi jahaan, saraabon ke the wahaan silsiley jaise
[saahil = beach, qadmon ke nishaan = footsteps]
[saraabon ke silsiley = series of mirages]

Ab bhi mila karta hai woh, yakeen dilaata hai aashnaa hone ka
Janmon se uska koi bada karz, mujhe aaj bhi ho utaarana jaise
[aashnaa = friend, karz = debt]

Gar tu bhi mera gumaan nahin, to karde aazaad meri rooh ko
Qaid hoon apne hi maGzh mein, dozaKh mein ho koi kaafir jaise
[gumaan = fantasy, rooh = soul, maGhz = mind, dozaKh = hell, kaafir = infidel]

 

There’re a couple other ones that I shall soon post! Happy reading!